self-care

Tie a new habit to an existing one

Posted by

“When scheduling a new habit, it helps to tie it to an existing habit.” – Gretchen Rubin

I wanted to get in the habit of writing in my journal every day. I take my mid-day break from work sitting at a table by a window where it’s sunny, relaxing, well-lit, and comfortable. I thought to myself, “What if I tie my daily break with my journaling?” So, as a test, I started leaving my journal out on the table with it open to the next page and an uncapped pen ready to go. I was so surprised. It was almost magical. I’d sit down at the table with my coffee and immediately pick up the pen and start writing.

I do find I have trouble writing in my journal on days off, though, because I don’t have that built-it habit of sitting at the table. But five out of seven days is awesome!

I also tied in keeping a tiny gratitude journal. At the top of every page when I’m getting started, I list three things I’m grateful for. Then I start journaling.

It works for me. 🙂

My journal is just a simple spiral-bound notebook. Nothing fancy. And I don’t set a goal for how much writing to do or what to write about. I usually just write randomly until my break’s over.

I find that I get all sorts of ideas from this simple journaling practice. Writing ideas. Life ideas. Ideas to share with others. It’s been one of the most fruitful habits I’ve developed this year.

Wardrobe Choices

Posted by

I’ve been working my way through the book The Simple Abundance Companion by Sarah ban Breathnach. It goes with the daily reader Simple Abundance which I read many years ago. The books are about getting in touch with your Authentic Self, the inner you that can sometimes get lost in midst of life’s demands.,

Today’s reading was about selecting a wardrobe that reflects the real you and doesn’t just reflect the current trends and fashions, or the clothes you’ve been hauling around for years because they still fit.

I’ve been in the process of losing weight and have actually gone down two sizes. So I’ve been buying clothing, mainly at thrift stores, to keep me clothed in things that fit. My main question related to clothing right now is, “Does it fit?” I haven’t been asking questions about is it my style, or is it right for me, or does it express what I want to show?

But eventually I’ll be at the end of this weight loss journey and I’ll be looking for clothes that will stay with me for a while. Clothes that I want to have express the real me (still working on what that means for me). What sort of questions will I need to ask then?

In the Companion book, she has some questions that she suggests someone ponder when trying to find what wardrobe style will suit them. Some of the questions/statements include:

  • Does it make you smile?
  • What are items of clothing you have that make you feel beautiful? Do they have anything in common?
  • Which clothes make you feel relaxed and comfortable?
  • Check out colors at a paint store. Examine the color swatches and see which colors speak to your soul.
  • Everything in your closet should make you feel beautiful and/or comfortable.

The clothes that make me feel the most beautiful are a short-sleeved above-the-knee black dress, a long-sleeved dark gray A-line dress, and a forest green shirt dress. A favorite pair of boots gets worn with two of these dresses. What do they have in common? They’re all dresses. And simple, and pretty casual. Dark colors. I dress them all up or down with jewelry choices. Hm. I don’t think of myself as much of a dresses sort of person, but isn’t that interesting that I feel the most beautiful when wearing a dress. I wouldn’t have realized that without doing this exercise.

I feel the most relaxed and comfortable in jeans, long-sleeved t-shirts, and sweaters. Or jammies. But I can’t wear jammies out in public. Well, I suppose I could wear them out in public … but I don’t choose to.  😉

Next time I’m at the thrift store doing some clothing shopping to replace the clothes that no longer fit, I think I’m going to make a point of checking out the rack of dresses.

One Habit at a Time: New Year’s Resolutions

Posted by

I’ve been told it takes four to six weeks for any action to become a habit. So, keeping that in mind, one way I’m going to insure my success at keeping my New Year’s resolutions this year is by working on only one new habit at a time each month. Then, if I’m inspired to continue, every time I turn to a new calendar page, I’ll work on developing a different good habit.

At the end of the year, I could easily have twelve new positive habits in my life. Once something’s become a habit, it’s simply a part of my life and not something I’ll even have to think about anymore.

Here are some sample goals and habits I’m planning to implement throughout the coming year (in no particular order — taken one at time, one per month):

  • Go to the gym three to four times per week
  • Spend time everyday, maybe half an hour, reading just for fun (I tend to read serious material, and I’m feeling I need to be a bit more lighthearted about what I put into my mind)
  • Spend time, probably half an hour, practicing self-care each day
  • Work on my latest writing project for half an hour everyday
  • Spend ten minutes each day decluttering

If I start the New Year off by attempting to do all of these things at the same time, I know I’d become overwhelmed, and then give up long before any of these activities became habitual and second-nature.

What’s the area of life you’re most concerned about? Exercise? Weight loss? Healthy eating? Getting organized? Saving money? Spending more time with your kids? Break your goal down into simple steps that you can easily manage, and then start working your way to your goal, one small step at a time.

As the old cliche’ says: How do you eat an elephant? … One bite at a time. By making small and consistent changes, it’s possible to change your health, your body, and your life.

Expressive Writing

Posted by

Someone recently told me about a writing technique, Expressive Writing, that’s supposed to help a person to process difficult situations. It’s a three day process that requires twenty minutes a day. I tried it out and found it somewhat helpful, so I thought I’d share about it here.

On the first day, you write for twenty minutes (either typed or handwritten) about the general situation. Write whatever comes to mind. Let it flow out of you. You’re not writing for anyone else to read, so don’t edit yourself. After you’ve completed your twenty minutes writing time, reread it one time. Then delete it (or tear it up and throw it away if handwritten).

On the second day, do the same thing but this time spend time looking more deeply at an aspect of the situation. Once again, after you’ve completed your twenty minutes writing, delete it (or otherwise destroy it).

On the third day, focus your writing on the here-and-now. On the present time. On where things stand today. After twenty minutes, reread it, and destroy it.

And that’s it.

I chose to write about a very painful topic from a few years ago that had been haunting me lately. I’d been having nightmares and disturbing thoughts about it throughout the day. I was afraid that maybe writing about it might bring it too much to the forefront of my mind, and that scared me a little bit. Then I realized it was already taking up space in my day, and perhaps just focusing on it directly might give me a release of some sort.

I do feel a bit better after going through the process. I might try it with a different situation just to see how it goes. If there’s something haunting you, maybe it might bring some relief.

Mindfulness …

Posted by

0

After a number of significantly difficult life events, I’ve been meeting with a counselor for about two years.  She’s become like a best friend who has perfect listening skills and positive input. And I get to talk to my heart’s content. 🙂  Anyway, she recommended I attend Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) classes to help me handle the overwhelming emotions I’d been experiencing related to events of the past few years.  After several of my regular blog readers had asked about DBT, I decided I’d share some of the things I’ve been learning.  Just those things that have been particularly meaningful to me.  My sharing will probably be more storytelling than teaching, if that makes sense.

One of the most important parts of DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy), is learning to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is sort of a buzz word these days. and I’ve discovered different people can mean different things when they say they practice mindfulness. So I’m just going to explain what I mean by mindfulness, which I think is pretty close to what DBT means by it.

Since DBT’s main purpose is to help people regulate their emotions, mindfulness plays a key part in that process. It allows a person to stay grounded in the moment, to stay in touch with each moment’s reality, and by staying in touch with the here and now, helps us take time to breathe and gain control of emotional reactions.

Goals of Mindfulness (in DBT)

  • reduce suffering (we can’t reduce life events, but we can reduce our responses to life events which can alleviate some of our suffering)
  • reduce anxiety, tension, stress
  • increase control of your mind by decreasing worrying, overthinking, ruminating

What is mindfulness?

My short definition is that mindfulness is intentional awareness of the present moment. It shouldn’t be confused with mindlessness (or emptying the mind). It’s a matter of focus to keep you grounded in the here and now. Observation is the goal, not relaxation. Although sometimes it can be relaxing.

There are a lot of mindfulness practices that are taught and even apps to help lead people through the process of being mindful. One of my favorite parts about practicing mindfulness, however, is that it can be practiced anywhere, at any time.

  • washing dishes
  • listening to music
  • walking
  • housecleaning
  • painting
  • hobbies
  • bathing
  • weeding

For a quick way to ease into practicing mindfulness, choose one of the items on the above list and next time you do it, take a couple of deep slow breaths. Then focus on your body’s sensations. Are you washing dishes? Feel the warmth of the water on your hands. Does it feel good? Is the water too hot? Too cold? Feel the sensation of bubbles on your lower arms. Does it tickle? Do the bubbles feel soft? Smell the scent of dishwashing liquid. What smell is it? Lemon? Orange? Listen to the sounds of the water running into the sink from the faucet. Is it a soft trickle?

If you find yourself being distracted by thoughts or emotions, just acknowledge the thought/emotion, and then refocus on your breathing and other sensations again. The goal isn’t to never have your mind wander, or never to experience emotions, or never have thoughts. The goal is just to be mindful of the present moment. I’m washing dishes. The water is warm. I just had a thought to pick up popcorn at the store. I refocus my thoughts back to the dishes.

The purpose of practicing mindfulness throughout the day when you’re not under stress or feeling strong emotions, is so that when you actually are in an heightened emotional state, the skills will have become almost second-nature through your on-going practice of the skills.

Every week in our DBT classes, we practice at least two mindfulness activities together. Last week we did a mindful eating activity. A bowl of snack items was passed around, everyone chose one, and then we proceeded to mindfully eat our item. Mine was a small wrapped chocolate candy bar. We were to look at the food item as if we were an alien from outer space who’d never seen it before. What did the wrapper look like? Was it shiny? Dull? What colors? Were there designs on it? What did the wrapper feel like? Smooth? Ridged? What was it like opening the wrapper? What did it feel like? Did it make a sound? Did you smell anything? Take the candy out of the wrapper. What does it look like? Smell like? Examine it thoroughly like you did with the wrapper. Take a tiny bite. Don’t chew or swallow. What does it feel like in your mouth? Smooth? Hard? Rough? Does it melt in your mouth? Allow yourself to slowly move it around in your mouth, and when ready, chew and swallow slowly, also noticing the processes of chewing and swallowing.

So that probably seems like a long event just to take a single bite of a candy bar. It actually only took about two minutes.

When we did this in class last week, I’d arrived to class a couple of minutes late, I’d had a stressful morning, and I was even a bit out of breath from walking quickly into the building from my car.

After doing the mindful eating exercise, I realized I was calm and ready to be fully engaged in the class. Mindful eating grounded me in the moment, and allowed me to focus on something so intently, that it gently pushed aside the stresses of the morning. My breathing was calm, my mind felt focused, my body felt grounded.

It was such a simple thing, but it worked wonders. I knew about the idea of mindful eating, but I’d always thought of it as a trick for eating more slowly and thoughtfully as a dieting technique. Now I see it can also be used as a regular mindfulness technique to bring down heightened emotional and physical stress-related responses.

As I share things I’ve learned and experienced through DBT classes, I’ll probably return to this idea of mindfulness frequently, sharing examples of various ways it’s proven helpful to me.

Thoughts? Questions? Have you had any experience with mindfulness practice?

~Debi

(UPDATE: I ended up not sharing much more about DBT, after all. My best intentions fell through. Plus there didn’t seem to be much feedback about these posts, so felt like I was talking to myself. I might still share more in the future, but I’m not making any promises.)

Help that’s actually helpful …

Posted by

0

When I was at my lowest low several years ago, I began seeing a personal counselor for moral support and to have someone to talk to who had expertise to deal with the difficulties I was facing. Since the emotions I was feeling at the time were so strong, she recommended I attend a DBT class (ie: Dialectic Behavior Therapy) to gain some fresh skills for handling my overwhelming (and sometimes suicidal) emotional reactions to an on-going crisis in my life.

Since DBT was so helpful to me, I thought I’d take some time on this blog to share some of the insights and skills I developed through the program. A number of followers of this blog and my Facebook page have expressed interest in hearing more about my experiences with DBT.

DBT is a six month program taught through mental health clinics which can be taken twice. I’m on my second time through. Soon it will be a full year of DBT classes. Wow. It feels like it’s gone by fast. I’m gaining further insight this second round of classes, but I’m also seeing how much I’ve grown in my ability to implement and understand the skills. The group I’m in meets once a week with a required weekly meeting with a personal counselor for follow-up in using the skills.

A quick overview of DBT:

It was developed in the 1980s by psychologist Marsha Linehan, originally to treat patients with Borderline Personality Disorder. Since that time, DBT is being used for people with all sorts of emotional regulation issues. Everything from suicidal ideation to depression to Bipolar mania. It’s useful for anyone who reacts strongly to emotional stimuli in ways that negatively effect their lives.

In my case, I’d become so overwhelmed with sadness, that life felt unbearable and utterly hopeless. I was surprised to discover that even an emotion like sadness could be regulated with the right skills. Prior to DBT, I was frightened to start crying, because I thought if I started, I’d never stop.

The main topics covered in DBT are:

  • Mindfulness
  • Interpersonal Effectiveness
  • Distress Tolerance
  • Emotional Regulation

I’ve personally found the Mindfulness and Distress Tolerance sections to be the most helpful. I’m sure it’s different for everyone since we all deal with different issues and emotionally triggering events in our lives.

My plan is to start going through my notebook from my DBT class and writing about various insights I’ve had through the program. I can’t share the entirety of the class due to copyright issues, but I can share my personal reactions to the units and the teachings.

There are a variety of books, workbooks, and other resources on DBT and I’ll probably be recommending some of those as we go along.

If someone you know is struggling with overwhelming emotions, or difficulties working through strong feelings, feel free to let them know about this blog. It won’t take me six months to get through my thoughts on the topic, so don’t worry. I’ll probably share a post once a week or so for a couple of months. Maybe less. Maybe more. 🙂

~Debi

And here’s yesterday’s watercolor project. Spring is coming!

DSCN5231

Self-Care: Watercolor …

Posted by

0

Although I don’t have experience (or talent) with painting, I’d been having a strong urge to take a watercolor class. Watercolor, with its soft edges and bleeding colors, seemed like it might be a more forgiving art form for me than something like acrylics or oils. I have developed a slight tremor which makes fine details next to impossible for me.

I tried to find a friend to take an in-person class with me, but nobody was interested, so I looked around online and found some free video tutorials for beginning watercolorists. Much to my surprise, I actually liked some of my paintings that resulted from the tutorials.

Now I have an “art studio” set up on my kitchen table. It has the best light in the house. I don’t use that table often, except for folding laundry. The dining room table is my eating spot (and the couch). 😉

Anyway, almost every day for the past six weeks, I’m spent at least a few minutes painting or practicing. While my work isn’t professional by any stretch of the imagination (and probably never will be due to my tremor), it’s healing for me to sit quietly and play with forms and colors.

Self-care. It comes in many forms. What things do you do to take care of yourself and to treat yourself kindly?

~Debi