Poetry

A long pilgrimage away from yourself

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I found this in a little notebook where I’d been keeping notes on things I’d read. I don’t know what this is. Is it phrases I liked from a book? It doesn’t seem to make enough sense enough to be a poem of its own. It’s sort of poetic feeling, though. It’s super intriguing to me and a bit weird that I don’t know where it came from or what its intent was. Dream writing? It is definitely written in my handwriting. Well, just to give it some sort of sense, I’ll call it a poem. Here’s the unknown mystery “poem” that I stumbled upon today.

a long pilgrimage away from yourself
appreciate someone when they’re gone from your life
come into your body of change
you’ve seen the light
looked into stone as a strong sturdy rock
be weathered by what comes to you
imprisonment of the human spirit
sheltering beauty
wild horizon
creates the essentiality
astonished at the place you grew
dedicates himself
takes half-a-step braver step
house of high thinking and simple things
imprisoning necessity
to the brim my heart was full
walk in blessedness
a dedicated spirit
magnificent morning light
my heart was full
sinning greatly
what horizon is there
devilish version of self
in Biblical times
saw it for the first time
a strangled scream
ascended into new life
an uncaring invitation
panicked quivering arms
travel-weary
like extras from the Bible
wide-eyed and singing
the books beneath the conversation
one short step away
a door of revelation
brutally honest spiritual warrior
foundational truth
grounded in humility and humiliation
keep loss and heartache at bay
the outer diagnostic
no realistic choice
the path of vulnerability
asking for the help you need along the way
humble compassion
apprentice to understanding
obeying the earth
the give and take of the sea
moonlit shadow
a pale whispering face
waking joy
it always had to break your heart along the way
walking far outside yourself
a prayer for safe arrival
the heart, the mind, the promise
more marvelous
a simple reflection
the road stretching on
the road seen
the road dropping away
take your promise from you
the dwelling place you lived
another invitation
a field of freedom
the road stretching on

Blessing for Unrequited Love

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I was reading a book (The Bell and the Blackbird) by one of my favorite poets, David Whyte, and I came across this poem that resonated with me deeply. It’s about unrequited love, but can also be about any sort of lost relationship. I thought I’d share it here just because it’s touching and there’s so much wisdom in the idea of wishing blessings on those who hurt us or leave us.

BLESSING FOR UNREQUITED LOVE

A blessing on the eyes that do not see me as I wish.
A blessing to the ears that can never hear the far inward
footfall of my own shy heart. Blessings to the life
in you that will live without me, to the open door
that now and forever takes you away from me,
blessings to the path that you follow alone and blessings
to the path that awaits you with another.

A blessing to the way you will not know me
in the years to come [……] Let me be
generous enough and large enough and brave enough
to say goodbye to you without any understanding,
to let you go into your own understanding,
to live fully in your understanding, and to gift
your understanding. May you always be
in the sweet, central, hidden shadow of my memory
without needing to know — who you were when
you first came — who you were when you stayed —
and who you will become in your freedom now
that you have passed through my life and gone.

–David Whyte
from The Bell and the Blackbird

The river

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(This is just a quick thought after a walk in the park this morning, not finished by any means. Totally rough draft, but thought I’d share anyway.)

____________________________

I walked on the concrete pathway
Squirrels playing around the base of large fir trees
Dogs walking their owners
Dappled sunshine
Then I heard it
The river calling me
It was out of sight
But unmistakable
I followed a small rocky pathway that veered into the woods
And then I saw the source of the calling
It was wide and grey
With sun glinting off the tops of waves
Crashing over rocks and fallen trees
Originating in the mountains
Parented by small streams
The wilderness passing through the city
Calling to those walking by
But how many heed the call?
How many listen and hear?
How many alter their path when destiny calls?
The wilderness sharing its wildness
Through the crashing waters
In a local city park

Facing the Unknown

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PART ONE: FACING THE UNKNOWN
______________________________

rest in simplicity
finding
a quiet sense of self
following
an invisible heat
and turning back
to the ground of reality
_______________________________

the place of vulnerability
is a doorway
for our best gifts
a great hidden dynamic of life
a relationship
with the great unknown elements
moving toward a new world
a new work
a central foundation
___________________________

the details of life
speak to us
in their own voices
we must apprentice ourselves
humbly
giving ourselves over
to learning
to a change of identity
to indescribable beauty
________________________________

the winter of listening
a faculty of seasonality
the conversational nature of life
its growth depends on rain
on sun
changing leaves
bittersweet
courage and
maturity
_______________________________

a normal part
of human existence
a core human confidence
what is the conversation?
disrupt the present narrative
not knowing what to say
you don’t know how
to play the game
don’t let others
smother your humility
______________________________

naming things
is a tool
of belonging
_______________________________

life is the long farewell
a presence that holds our losses
_______________________________

a well-felt sadness
can be as generous toward others
as a well-felt joy
_________________________________

our fiercest cycles of life
a gift to others
_____________________________

life as an enemy force
you may not achieve everything
feeling as if you don’t belong
cycles of humiliation
disruption
falling apart
what if it’s all about nothing?
_______________________________

start close in
the elements inside us
are unique to us
multilayered contexts
held together
in conversation
with a larger landscape
beautiful and deep
calling up
through an open door
___________________________________

awake
just into darkness
into a day of
trepidation/excitement
these forces and tides
will never come again
pretend or ignore
or look it in the face
make sense
of the complexity of life
_________________________________

we don’t have to be
an image of perfection
acknowledge
where you are
remember
our particularities of life
stop telling stories
of the same visions
riches
difficulties
form an image
inside yourself
something
you’re following
the elemental reality
of existence
the disciplines
of an everyday
life
________________________________

to be human is to be visible
you are not an accident amid accidents
ask the question
turn away from previous conversations
take the first step
the step you don’t want to take
commit to a new unknown
____________________________________

grow into the story you’ve been told since you were a child
something is ready to spark in you
a robust vulnerability
a new pattern
hold these in the ways that only humans can
what shape awaits
in the tree of you?
_____________________________

real creativity
takes place
in the grit of life
a wordless
complexity
creates spaciousness
around the unknown
____________________________________

the depths

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bent under the weight
of looking back
at a lifetime’s grief
one day
suddenly
you gaze
into the depths
and see the sky
reflected above
you rise
straighten yourself
look toward new horizons
with fresh eyes
stepping
into the life and future
that was yours all along
no longer weighted down
by ill will
or lost loves
shaking off misery
allowing yourself
to dream
and live again

walking in blessedness

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walking in blessedness
as a dedicated spirit
in the morning light
the heart was full
what horizon is looming there
for this devilish version of self
seeking a new tomorrow
sinning quietly
living in new ways
set free from regret
seen for the first time

a murder

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you want to commit a murder
the Grief inside you has grown a body
it breathes
it eats
it shits
it bites
Grief is so alive now
its name is capitalized
this Grief that is alive
this living hellish Grief must die
you want to smother Grief in its bed at night
you want to smother Grief with your favorite pillow
when the dreams come to haunt you
and Grief stirs awake
you want to shove Grief off the freeway overpass
watch Grief splatter in the oncoming traffic
while your favorite song comes on the radio
goodbye Grief
you want to see Grief jump off the tallest building
you want to feed Grief to the wolves at the zoo
you want to starve Grief in a box at Christmas
you want to choke Grief with a child’s hair ribbon
you want to commit a murder

– from Grief Song

find the magic

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find the magic
that will only come
through telling your story
the one you’re afraid to tell
you’re afraid to open that box
because you may never stop crying
sit in the sunshine
and write the story
in bits
and batches
phrases
words
prose and poetry
when the tears well up
stop
close your eyes
let the sun warm your eyelids
and then try
to sing

– from Grief Song

grief song

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someday
you will enjoy the avocado
someday
you will smile at the wind
the rain
the sun
you will feel these again
it will be different
it will be real

– from Grief Song