Author: DL

Decluttering Step One: Inside of the car

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I decided yesterday that I was going to do a daily decluttering challenge throughout the month of February.

So, here’s my first day of easy decluttering steps: “1. Declutter the inside of the car.”

While doing this decluttering step, this is what I discovered. I had some papers that needed to be recycled and my trash needed to be emptied. All pretty straightforward.

But I had an exciting moment.

I had misplaced some cat medication that I knew I’d picked up at the mailbox, but I wasn’t finding it in the house. Well, that’s because the package never made it into the house. It’d gotten buried under the papers for recycling in the car. I thought I was going to need to repurchase the meds, so I’m super happy to have found it. Keeps me from spending an additional $30.

Evidently decluttering can save me money. 🙂

Anyone else care to join me with the decluttering challenges? If so, have you found anything interesting hiding in your car or other space that you may have worked on today?

And on another note, I’d been putting off decluttering my car because it seemed like it would be too time-consuming. Well, I timed it. It took less than five minutes. Now I wonder how often I put off doing a project simply because I incorrectly estimate the time it will take?

My weight loss journey

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I don’t know where I started weight-wise when I began this weight loss journey. I’d stopped weighing myself, and even refused to look at the scale at the doctor’s office. I told them not to tell me the bad news. All I know is what size clothes I was wearing. I started this journey shortly after fitting into a 3X and now I’m down to a women’s size 12. If I had to guess, I’d say I’ve lost at least 50 pounds. It’s taken several years and a variety of weight loss programs.

I put on the weight in the midst of horrible chapter in my life that began about nine years ago. I’m not comfortable sharing the details, but it was bad enough that I ended up in the hospital more than one on suicide watch. I tend to eat my feelings, and because my feelings were strong and long-lasting, I quickly put on a great deal of weight.

As things settled down, I wanted to take off the weight that I’d gained, but that’s no small feat.

I tried a variety of low-carb diets, ordered frozen meals from Nutrisystem, and tried intermittent fasting. All of which worked for a while. But then I’d take a break from the diet and quickly start putting the weight back on. It was a yo-yo ride of losing weight, gaining some back, losing weight again, gaining some back. Often I would gain enough back that I’d be at a higher weight than when I started. It was frustrating and depressing. So far with my current program, although there have been periods of no weight loss, I haven’t had times of gaining the weight back. I consider that success after my previous weight loss experience.

Now I’m just doing a simple program of eating three meals per day with one small snack. I’m not eating sugar, and I’m going easy on wheat and grains. I’ve lost two sizes since starting this current way of eating about a year ago. Slowly but surely, I’m losing the weight I’d started to think would never come off. I’m currently experiencing a weight loss plateau so I may start measuring my foods to make sure I’m not eating servings that are too big. I also may follow a friend’s suggestion to make an appointment with a nutritionist.

I shrunk down into a size 12 last week, so my excitement is still fresh. I didn’t lose any sizeable amount of weight prior to changing sizes, but it seems that my body is reproportioning itself.

I still have a ways to go, but I feel hopeful that this time the weight will come off … and stay off!

 

One Habit at a Time: New Year’s Resolutions

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I’ve been told it takes four to six weeks for any action to become a habit. So, keeping that in mind, one way I’m going to insure my success at keeping my New Year’s resolutions this year is by working on only one new habit at a time each month. Then, if I’m inspired to continue, every time I turn to a new calendar page, I’ll work on developing a different good habit.

At the end of the year, I could easily have twelve new positive habits in my life. Once something’s become a habit, it’s simply a part of my life and not something I’ll even have to think about anymore.

Here are some sample goals and habits I’m planning to implement throughout the coming year (in no particular order — taken one at time, one per month):

  • Go to the gym three to four times per week
  • Spend time everyday, maybe half an hour, reading just for fun (I tend to read serious material, and I’m feeling I need to be a bit more lighthearted about what I put into my mind)
  • Spend time, probably half an hour, practicing self-care each day
  • Work on my latest writing project for half an hour everyday
  • Spend ten minutes each day decluttering

If I start the New Year off by attempting to do all of these things at the same time, I know I’d become overwhelmed, and then give up long before any of these activities became habitual and second-nature.

What’s the area of life you’re most concerned about? Exercise? Weight loss? Healthy eating? Getting organized? Saving money? Spending more time with your kids? Break your goal down into simple steps that you can easily manage, and then start working your way to your goal, one small step at a time.

As the old cliche’ says: How do you eat an elephant? … One bite at a time. By making small and consistent changes, it’s possible to change your health, your body, and your life.

What do I eat?

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Someone asked earlier, now that I’m avoiding my binge foods and foods that I crave (mainly sugar and white flour with some crunch/salty items), what do I eat for my meals. This is a general list:
  • Breakfast is usually either oatmeal, fruit, yogurt, or some sort of egg dish (fried, scrambled, omelette, frittata).
  • Lunch could be yogurt (unsweetened and I add my own fresh fruit), whole grain sandwich, soup, curry, chili, tuna salad.
  • Snacks are usually some sort of fruit, cheese, or lunch meat.
  • Dinner can be most anything – fajita bowl, curry, soup, chili, frittata, whole grain sandwich, chicken salad, variety of salads, fish, meat, rice. Lots of veggies.
I try to stick to three meals per day with one snack. Setting a boundary around the eating helps keep me from bingeing … each meal has a beginning and ending. And then in between there’s no eating except for my one snack (that I try to keep small).
A friend of mine calls her daily snack her “floating fruit” because she always has fruit for a snack, but the timing of when she eats it floats to various times on different days depending on how she’s feeling.

Binges and Cravings and Withdrawls, Oh My!

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Hello. My name is Debi, and I’m a binge eater.

There are times when I start to eat and I can’t stop. I’ve been known to eat an entire large pizza all by myself. I can polish off a giant bowl of buttered popcorn and still be craving more. I can’t eat just one handful of berries; I have to eat every berry in the house, so my binges aren’t just unhealthy things. Yes, I binge on berries. But also candy. And doughnuts. And Lay’s Classic Potato Chips. And nachos. And so very, very many things.

Since I can’t touch these foods without risking a full-on binge, I decided to see what happened if I just avoided my binge foods all together. These are also foods that I often crave, so I suspected going Cold Turkey was going to be difficult. And it was. Sugar withdrawls. Cravings for pasta. Driving past the pizza place. Candy in the checkout line at the grocery store. Actually, almost every aisle in the grocery store contained items I binge/crave.

But I can say that I have now successfully given up my binge/craving foods for eight months! And I feel a hundred percent more in control of my eating. For me, just cutting back and eating moderately didn’t work because it’d set off cravings and binges. I’d just feel like a failure. Why couldn’t I eat in moderation like other people? It was a source of great shame.

So, for now, I’m avoiding sugars (including natural ones because I can binge on honey straight out of the jar); white flour (I don’t crave or binge whole grains so they’re okay); and many salty and crunchy things like popcorn, chips, French fries, and nuts. While I do binge on berries, I’ve left them in my diet because they’re so healthy. But I only bring a single serving size into my house at a time.

I don’t allow myself to go to the store or a drive-thru to satisfy a craving. I just wait it out. Eventually, it passes. But I’ve discovered that the longer I go without those foods that set off cravings, the less I crave them.

Also, I learned recently that binge eating is considered an actual eating disorder. And here I just thought it was my weird, secret eating habit.

And speaking of secrets, I’ve just let you in on a big thing in my life that was a source of shame, guilt, and secrecy. So not only have I found ways to successfully handle this eating problem, I’ve also found the courage to be open and rigorously honest about it.

Welcome to my world!

My blue trunk

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When I was a child, there was an old blue steamer trunk in my bedroom. I used it like a bedside table, but usually just stored my stuffed animals on it. I wasn’t allowed to open it .. it was big enough that I could’ve gotten closed into it, so it was always locked.

Every now and then my mom would open the trunk and she and I would go through the contents. The trunk held my baby things. Tiny dresses, cloth books, baby toys, rattle, dish, cup, spoon, stuffed animals. I was able to convince my mom to let me have the stuffed animals to play with, but everything else just stayed tucked away in the trunk.

The trunk made it seem almost like my babyhood lived in my room with me.

I never knew the history of the trunk. I think it was my mom’s, originally, but I don’t know for sure.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had someone come by and cart away things to the dump. One of the things that left my house was the trunk. It had stayed with me my entire life, eventually serving as storage for Christmas decorations. It lived out in my shed where the damp and cold eventually rusted and rotted the trunk.

The day the trunk was taken away, I just felt relief to get rid of things. Now, I feel like I should’ve taken a moment to sit with the trunk. To thank it for a lifetime of storing my special things. It wasn’t until the next day when I realized how important that trunk had been and how I’d let it go with giving it proper regard.

So this little post is my salute to the blue steamer trunk. You know, I don’t even have a photo of that trunk. It’d always been such a fixture in my life, I don’t think I really saw it anymore.

Goodbye blue trunk. You served me well.

Evening binges

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I have a problem with binge eating in the evening. Even though I’ll be full from dinner, as soon as I sit down on the couch, or settle in for whatever my evening activity is, I want to eat something. Chips, popcorn, berries, candy, whatever’s easily accessible. I prefer salty crunchy things for my evening eating fests, but I’ll rummage through the cupboards and fridge for anything easy to eat.

Tonight I decided to slice a cucumber and put salt and pepper on the slices. Surprisingly enough, it gave me satisfaction. A little crunchy, a little salty, a limited amount. The other night I had some cheese slices. They were also satisfying.

I’ve found that much of my current weight loss journey is getting control of compulsive food behaviors. Like evening binges. Evenings in general are my biggest temptation times. Ideally I’d like to not be eating in the evening, but at least substituting in some healthier choices in smaller amounts appears to be a good first step.

Anyone else get the evening munchies?

Summer Camp Refuge

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When I decided to take a little Personal Retreat last month, I’d been reading the book Something More by Sarah ban Breathnach. She was stressing that one of the first steps for getting in touch with your authentic self was to revisit favorite places and events of your childhood.

I found myself thinking about the horse camp, Flying Horseshoe Ranch, that I went to every summer from age eight to fifteen. Suddenly a lightbulb went off in my head and I decided to take several days of my upcoming vacation time to stay at Flying Horseshoe, which had now become a guest ranch and was no longer a kids’ camp. What better way to get in touch with an important place from my childhood than to go back and immerse myself in that very place.

Flying Horseshoe was important to me for a couple of reasons. Mainly two. 1) Horses. Definitely the most important reason, and 2) lack of bullies.

I was the victim of some serious bullying at my school. Physical beatings. Verbal abuse. Molestation. I would come home from school in tears and with bruises all over my body, and my mother’s response was, “Oh, kids will be kids. Just ignore them.” It was me against an entire group of about ten kids who were all bigger and stronger than me. Somehow the school was unware of what was happening, or if they knew, they did nothing.

Anyway, I didn’t mean go off on a tangent.  Back to camp.

I felt safe there. I had friends. I found myself in leadership positions. People treated each other kindly. The few incidents of bullying that I was aware of were dealt with swiftly, and the perpetrators were sent home.

While growing up, I always felt like I could be my most authentic self at camp. I wasn’t afraid. I could speak up without fear of ridicule. I could live out my love of horses without kids making fun of me. So it was interesting being back at Flying Horseshoe as an adult. So many memories. And I found myself wondering how to get in touch with that girl who was confident and funny and competent and courageous and a leader and graceful. None of those are words I would really use to describe myself now. So much “life” has happened and torn me down from the best version of myself.

I’m not sure how to bring that earlier version of myself back into the light. Or maybe add those attributes into my current life. But having some time to be quiet and thoughtful at the place of refuge of my childhood was interesting and gave me a great deal of food for thought.

What places from your past may hold secrets to your authentic self? You can’t know what memories will be triggered if you reacquaint yourself with who you once were.

Candy and “food neutrality”

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I’ve been working on weight loss and getting control of my compulsive food behaviors this year. I have a friend who I talk with regularly about my eating-related journey, and she believes it’s possible to achieve what she calls “food neutrality” where the food doesn’t call to you or tempt you anymore. I haven’t been sure what to think about the idea of food neutrality, but I experienced something this week that makes me wonder if there’s some validity to the concept.

Eight months ago, I stopped eating sugar. Cold turkey. Even went through withdrawals of sorts. Mainly headache, body aches, and overwhelming cravings. The discomfort lasted about a week, and then things settled down. No more physical symptoms, but still having cravings that I battled everyday. I talked to my friend everyday during this time, and her encouragement really helped. I have remained sugar-free for more than half a year. Amazing!

Fast forward to now.

Two weeks ago, I bought two large bags of candy to hand out to the trick-or-treaters on Halloween. I put the bags into a large bowl, and set it by the front door. Now, to give some context, on previous years if I’d bought candy early, I would’ve eaten the entire bag all by myself, and then would’ve needed to buy more candy to hand out. I’m a bit of a sugar addict and binge eater.

But this year it was different. I walked past the bowl of candy (all favorite candies, by the way), and I felt nothing. No cravings. No temptations. When I would look at the candy bowl, it felt almost like I was just looking at a bowl of dirt. Something inedible. Not food for me at all.

Is this what food neutrality is like?

On the other hand, I found myself thinking about the upcoming holidays and all the homemade treats that show up. Will my candy neutrality apply to homemade baked goods, too? I honestly don’t think so. Just thinking about those items (which will remain nameless so I don’t trigger myself) sends me into cravings. But knowing how eight months of living sugar-free set me free from candy, if I make it through the holidays and get some more time under my belt, perhaps food neutrality will show up for other temptations?

In the meantime, I’ll start this month of Thanksgiving being grateful for making huge strides with my weight, food, and body goals. Oh, and by the way, I’ve lost twenty-five pounds! Slowly, but I think, healthily.

Discontent and disorder

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I read something recently that gave me pause. It was something to the effect that discontent and disorder are signs of energy and hope, not despair.

I thought it was an interesting thought. I’ve been feeling discontent/restless lately, but saw it as a sign of maybe depression trying to rear it’s head.

But is it possibly a sign of preparation for changes and possible new directions?

The fact that restlessness is a part of what I’m experiencing is interesting. Restlessness has energy behind it, and when I’m in a true depression, there’s no energy involved.

Anyway, it gave me a bit of hope that perhaps something’s percolating in my heart and spirit.