I’d been reading a book about finding more direction and purpose to your life. Identifying your dreams or discovering the path opening to personal fulfillment. I was at a crossroads—would I move to a new location with all the stresses that come with a move to a new community, or would I stay put with all the stresses I was currently experiencing. But at least those present stresses were known and familiar.

I’d taken some time for a personal retreat to mull over the possible changes I may be facing. A new house, new people, even things as mundane as new grocery stores. So much change is involved with a move.

My personal retreat took place at a former horse camp I’d attended as a child. Over the years, it’d been refurbished and reimagined into a guest ranch for all ages. There were still horses in the field and trails on the hill. I found that so many memories were triggered from the familiar buildings and by talking with the family members of the original owners.

My childhood memories of trail rides, barn dances, and campfires combined with my grownup musings about choices I needed to make. What choices would Horse Camp Girl have made in the current situation? Would her dreams fit in with any of my thoughts or life transitions today?

What were Horse Camp Girl’s dreams? Well, for one thing, she wanted to write. I remember girlhood dreams of the writer’s life. She imagined a room of her own, a typewriter by the window, the room decorated with things she loved, there was at least one cat, a view of something green and relaxing out the window, peace and quiet. My girlhood dreams were pretty simple.

Fast forward to now. I live in a small home all my own with two cats, a view out my writing window of a greenbelt, my grandma’s piano and my grandfather’s rocking chair in places of honor, a table strewn with notebooks, pens, books, and Post-it notes. No typewriter, but more than one computer. Times and writerly equipment change.

I made the choice to move. And suddenly one day I realized that although the details are different, I’d made a choice which actually aligned with my childhood dreams. Writing, housing, cats, a view. While my current house may not be my Dream House, I think it’s a living situation of my dreams.

Making the choice to move rather than stay put was made not just for sensible, logical reasons, but also through meditative, intuitive, thoughtful, prayerful steps. And, also, it was a decision to make the best of the choices I’ve made, realizing that all choices are a mixed bag of good and bad. Of joys and challenges. Although I’m living a life with heartbreak and challenges, in many ways, I am living the dreams of my life. And that’s important to remember during the dark times.