You Think You Know Me

by Debi Taylor-Hough

You think you know meYou may think you know me
You read my Facebook updates
You see the funny memes I share
The photos of my cats and bunnies
My new guest room
My bookshelves
My new magna cum laude degree
My six blogs and 5,000 followers

You may think you know me
From some blog a decade old
It shined a glimmer of light on my religiosity
of the time
A snapshot
A glimpse
But not true insight
Like looking in a reflection
Did you notice the posts stopped?
My heart moved on
Your glimpse of me was frozen in time

You may think you know me
But if you knew me
If you could see inside my head
Feel the true beat of my heart
The pain of my soul
Then maybe, just maybe
you would know me
You would know
That what once sustained me
what gave meaning
and purpose
and joy
and love to my life
is gone, missing in action
and left a gaping hole

Nothing has filled that emptiness

You may think you know me
You may think I follow organized religion
But the reality is
any religion I have left
is disorganized
Not a title on a name tag
Not the emotional highs
Not the hierarchy
Not the patriarchy
Not the submission to an organization
Or to a man
Or to a creed

You may think you know me
But now what you might see
On Sundays
when I choose to go
which is rare
A small liturgical service
The prayers of the people
Quiet music
Standing for a familiar scripture
The gentle smile of a stranger
Passing peace from hand to hand
A moment for reflection
A word of encouragement
Breaking of bread
A brief and holy communion
with saints and sinners,
with God and broken humankind

You may think you know me
But listen to me when I say
that other part of me is gone
Listen to me when I say
something new is taking its place
Listen to me when I say
you’re not listening to me

Maybe then, finally
I may think you actually may know me
But for now
You may think you know me
But I think you may not

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